I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize