Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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