wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just cut my nipple shaving
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
