What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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