so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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