Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
