saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
