Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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