just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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