I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
