I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
