her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
