is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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