we're blogging at a bar
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
