Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
