Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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