so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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