I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
