You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
