i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
we should paint friendship bongs
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
