I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
