and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
