I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
