I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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