If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
