Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
