And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
