also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
