And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
