Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
