You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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