I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
