Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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