I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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