ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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