so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
