I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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