i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
