I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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