OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
