we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
