I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
