dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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