I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
