So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize