did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
