But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just had sex on a roof
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You did what with his pubic hair?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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