the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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