My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I fill condoms, not promises.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
