I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
