I think I am morally bankrupt
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize