I just cut my nipple shaving
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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