Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
