can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
