I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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