this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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