Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
