Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize