I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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