I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
