The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
