I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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