Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
