Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
