so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
