She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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