Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
