Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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