im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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