o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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