Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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